On my own again

Dinner with The Darkly Intriguing was … odd. He turned up in his sweaty gym kit, for starters. Now I know we were going for a fairly humble plate of dim sum, but who does that?

Maybe it’s just my suspicious mind, but it smacked of a cover-up: turning up an hour late in your smarts is probably harder to explain to your ex. Or not-so-ex, whichever she may be. Anyway, my lack of enthusiasm must have been palpable, because we’ve not been in touch since. Oh well.

Uni Boy is also out of the picture. Although he’s not departed definitively, he’s gone for a recce of his new turf. By the time he gets back, I’ll be away. So, depending on when he gets the nod from his superiors, we may – or may not – see each other again. Sniff.

I know I shouldn’t mind too much. After all, it was only ever a temporary arrangement. But when you’re snuggling up to someone several nights a week, it’s only natural that you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Of course, I expect no such sentimentality from him. Most guys have the ability to detach their emotions, taking the situation at face value. It’s an admirable trait, but one which I’ve never quite mastered. I have trouble throwing out an old toothbrush.

Go figure.

Anyway, I couldn’t help getting accustomed to kisses and cuddles and all the other benefits that come with sharing a bed. In intimate moments, he talks of a future with me in it, but I’m under no illusions. And rightly so: five minutes later he’s making plans for world domination and I’m not even a footnote.

But that’s fine. It’s all fine. Everything’s always fine.

I think that’s my new mantra: everything’s always fine. Love comes and love goes; attraction swirls around and fades away; promising trysts evaporate into thin air. I don’t like it, but it’s OK. The cut of each disappointment is keen at first, but there’s no loss that isn’t dulled by time. Even the times I thought my heart would break … well, here I am, heart (more or less) in one piece. Sometimes I think that if anyone ever decided to stick around, I’d be scared out of my wits.

I do feel sad, though, that I might never find someone to share my life with. Think of all that love and affection, just going to waste.

Maybe I should get a cat.

Anyway, there’s no point moping about it. Just as faint heart never won fair lady, so morose mug never charmed marvellous man. And that’s a fact.

Besides, I’ve got plenty of blessings just waiting to be counted: it’s a glorious day, the sun is shining and I’ve finished all my work … which can mean only one thing: a cycle ride by the river and iced coffee in the park. It’s Body Combat tonight, as well.

Sun, cycle, coffee and combat. I mean really, who could ask for more?

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