Ah, Valentine’s Day. As predicted, I can still cruise through the barren hallway, unencumbered by deliveries of flowers, chocolates, or fluffy, heart-shaped geegaws.

But no matter. Like any sane and rational human being, I turn to my horoscope to provide some pertinent and insightful commentary on the events of the day.

Scorpio.
For that is me – the most passionate of all signs – currently reduced by circumstances from a vibrant, lascivious flame to a damp squib, sputtering in the grass.

You may set yourself up for disappointment by idealising love and romance.
Well, I’m a girl, so I suppose that’s pretty much par for the course. If we didn’t idealise love and romance, there’s a whole heap of dudes out there who’d still be languishing in singledom. It’s just a shame that the fellas aren’t equipped with the same rose-tinted spectacles…

It’s all too easy to be blinded by the bright light of possibilities and lose touch with what’s actually occurring.
That is, just because it’s Valentine’s Day, you might start thinking that there really could be a secret admirer out there, who’s been saving himself for this special day, and is about to shower you with treats and affection. Get over it.

However, if you’re willing to face the truth…
Girl, Brad Pitt ain’t gonna come knocking. Or at least not today.

…your special gift is your natural ability to see beauty where someone else would get distracted by the imperfections.
Forget the prince, settle for the frog. It’s all you’re getting.

Just acknowledging the potential now could be sufficient to make something magical happen.
Squint a bit. The frog might not look so bad after all. There really might be light at the end of that tunnel – don’t give up hope!

Hmmmff. Dumb-ass Cupid’s aimed wide again and my stars tell me to console myself with a frog.

To be honest, this is no great surprise.

But today I have out-smarted Cupid. My plans for the lovers’ day are full of people I love, but there’s not a potential suitor among them: I’ll be spending the evening in the company of friends – a various bunch of assorted singletons – sharing good food, good conversation and maybe even a good old moan.

And I reckon that’s as much as anybody can really expect from Valentine’s Day.