Spanking, snobbery and sentient beings

Wow. Dating sites really open your eyes.

Mostly to the quirky and unique selection of mankind that can be found on them, and the relentless optimism of men over the age of 50.

(I can’t help but wonder if women over the age of 50 are also bombarding much younger men with five-star ratings and drink requests. But I suppose that’s none of my business.)

However, after being told by a Frenchman that all I need is “a good spanking” (and this in his second message. Ummm. Thank you! End of conversation!), and being given five-star ratings by more than my fair share of the aforementioned 50-plus gentlemen, I’m beginning to lose heart.

It’s true there are also quite a few ‘normal’ looking guys checking me out, but these are the ones that perplex me the most. They all look like nice guys, and any one of them could be an absolute hoot in real life, but reduced to three photos and a few lines of text, none of them provokes enough curiosity in me to merit a message.

Not that I blame them: I’m sure my own profile is so bland and generic that if anyone ever chooses to meet me, they’re going to be scared witless. It’ll be like meeting the woman they thought I was, with the volume turned up to ten. Positively wince-inducing.

What I wasn’t prepared for, when I posted my profile, was how exposed it would make me feel. It’s like going to a club and sitting alone at the bar, thus giving carte blanche to any and every man in the place to come and talk to you.

Since I’m the sort of girl that keeps her eyes firmly on the fixtures when she finds herself alone in that kind of situation, it’s all a bit unnerving.

However, I have to admit that I’ve had more interaction with guys of my age in one week on the site than I’ve had in the last six months of getting out and about. It’s given me hope that there are still some singles left in the world.

Anyway, one evening – quite by chance – I send a one-line comment to someone with half a face (or so his photo seems to suggest) and he turns out to adhere to my idea of normal more than anyone else I’ve spoken to on the site.

What I really like about him is that he talks to me like a human being, not like a potential date. We chat a bit about who we are, what we’ve done and what we’re doing now. It’s the sort of conversation you’d have if you met someone in a café. No one mentions spanking or feels obliged to load their messages with feeble innuendo.

If and when we ever meet, whether or not angels start plucking harps around our shoulders, it feels as though we’ll manage to have a decent, and reasonably intelligent, conversation.

Which is just as well, because if it weren’t for this one sensible exchange, I think I might have given up on the dating site for good. I’m just not programmed to make flirtatious comments to people I’ve never met. Nor do I consider ‘LOL’ a valid response from a sentient being.

I’m such a snob, I know. So shoot me.


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