By cataloguing my extensive failures with the opposite sex, I’m aware I may be painting myself in a less than flattering light.
Now, I’m no Claudia Schiffer, I’ll admit, but I keep myself in pretty good shape. And although there’s no research to back up the assertion, I’d like to think that on a good day I’m a 7.5 out of 10. But the facts stand for themselves: I’m as single as can be. There’s no-one quietly admiring me from a distance (as far as I know) and no-one sitting waiting for my booty call.
But it was not always thus. No, indeed. Of course, I refer to The One I Almost Married.
TOIAM was the first guy I’ve ever taken a shine to on impact: out for dinner with friends, we caught each other’s eye almost immediately, and cunningly arranged another group dinner for the following night. Saying goodbye at the bus stop, he invited me for dinner before we kissed, to seal the deal. And that was that.
I couldn’t believe my luck. Tall, dark, handsome, charming, sexy, entertaining … neither too old nor too young … I thought I’d hit the jackpot. Despite not really speaking the same language (although I learned a few words), I even hit it off with his mother.
No one was surprised when we started talking about marriage and eyeing up engagement rings when we went shopping. Moving in together seemed like a natural progression.
Which is why everyone was surprised – and no one more than me – when he left me six weeks later.
It’s the kind of thing that takes your view of the world and gives it a short, sharp shake, upending your heart and all your vital organs in the process.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing. Having removed the rose-tinted glasses, I can see that, actually, he was a bit lazy, preferring to pay people to do things for him, rather than get off his bum and do them himself. And, in many ways, I would actually have been marrying my dad. Not a thought that any respectable young lady would like to entertain.
He, of course, is happily ensconced with another young lady. They seem happy together… and good luck to them both. By contrast, it took me months to want to even look at a man. And now that I’ve finally started looking, I’m finding that there aren’t many candidates out there.
So, for the moment… Yes, you guessed it … still bloody single!